“What are you on the lookout at?” states my beloved spouse, Marsha.
“Catalog,” I say. “Men’s outfits.”
“Good!” she claims. “You need some new items.”
“I like my outdated outfits,” I say. “I’m just looking. I want to continue to be on best of the most up-to-date trends in men’s fashion.”
One of the best issues about retirement is the capability to buy one’s whole wardrobe at Tractor Supply. Collar stays? A matter of the earlier. Match coats? An idea even stupider than neckties.
I flip via the pages of the catalog, hunting at shirts. Marsha arrives about to glimpse over my shoulder.
“Those are nice types,” she claims, pointing.
“Nope,” I say. “No pockets. In point, none of the shirts in this catalog have pockets. A shirt has to have a pocket.”
“Why?” suggests Marsha. “It’s not like you have to have a pen all over any longer.”
“Phone. Searching list. Receipts. Cup of espresso,” I say.
“You cannot have a cup of coffee in your shirt pocket,” she suggests, recognizing that I have but not liking the thought.
I flip the site to the section on pants.
“There’s a wonderful pair. You will need some new ones — the outdated types are getting all frayed and light,” she says.
“I like the previous types,” I say. “I like them simply because they are frayed and faded. Moreover, they match. Do you know how difficult it is to buy pants that match?”
“Yes,” she says. “Not really hard at all. Now, there is a pair I actually like.”
I seem down at the catalog to see the pair she’s pointing out.
“Nope. Not people. Far too several pockets,” I say.
“What?” she states.
“Look at them,” I say. “They are bristling with pockets. I’m not going on safari, and even if I have been, why would I will need all people pockets?”
“You could invest in a shirt devoid of a pocket and obtain the pants with additional pockets,” she claims.
“Nope. Shirts want pockets. Pants need to have pockets as well, but 4 or 5 is a great deal,” I say.
“Well, I like these,” she suggests, pointing once again.
“The last time I had a pair of those safari pants, every time I walked by means of the kitchen the pleats on the pockets caught on the drawer and cabinet knobs. I ripped out heaps of pockets that way, and destroyed a several cabinets far too,” I say.
“You’re exaggerating,” she claims.
“Nope. And, a different point. With all individuals pockets, the likelihood of running my cellphone and wallet via the washer goes up exponentially.”
She can take the catalog off my lap and begins thumbing by it.
“Here’s a pleasant pair of trousers with only four pockets. Order individuals,” she says.
“They’re brown,” I say. “And built for 25-yr-aged fellas with flat bellies. Look how restricted they are.”
“We’re just going to have to go to a retail outlet the place you can consider stuff on,” she claims.
“They don’t have shirt pockets in the retailers, both,” I say.
“How do you know if you haven’t appeared?” she claims.
“I remain up on the newest fashions,” I say. “Like that working day I sat in a mall in Florida just to see what the males had been putting on as they walked around. They experienced their hair in buns and their sneakers came to sharp factors.”
“Your son advised you. That is wherever all the European males store,” she claims.
“No shirt pockets. No pants pockets both, for that issue. Way too restricted. They carried guy-purses to maintain their things,” I say.
“I give up,” she states, tossing the catalog in the recycling bin.
“And I’m heading to Tractor Supply a person of these times. Quickly.”
Jim Whitehouse life in Albion.