COLUMN: The very serious, ultimate, must-read fashion guide for men | Culture

Women have a plethora of fashion articles to turn to when they need advice on what to wear to a cocktail hour or a mini vacation to the Maldives. However, men don’t have that luxury. 

Men’s fashion advice articles that exist outside of GQ are few and far between. Granted, most men think wearing basketball shorts and a hoodie is the peak of fashion. Nevertheless, I still think they deserve a chance to learn the ins and outs of being a fashion icon at the next bar crawl or boys’ night. 

To ensure I accurately depict common men’s outfit mistakes, I scoured multiple dating apps and old pictures of my ex-boyfriend before I turned him fashionable. I also watched the Giorgio Armani fall/winter 2021-2022 runway show and gained inspiration from the brand’s modest yet genius outfits. Hypebeast is also a great resource if you want to know the latest contemporary and streetwear trends. 

Here are a couple faux pas and how to avoid these fashion disasters.

The leg suffocators 

We’ve all had the distressed denim skinny jean phase, including me. I blame One Direction and 5 Seconds of Summer. Don’t worry, there is an easy alternative to these constricting menaces. 

If you still like jeans but want your legs to breathe, try a pair of dad jeans. Roll up the cuffs and pair the jeans with some white sneakers. If you’re feeling extra adventurous, wear those loose fitted jeans with some patches to add extra spice to the look. Loose jeans also give your legs the appearance of bulk, so you can skip leg day at the gym. 

The multi-pocketed flop 

So you’re going on a mini vacation to the beach with all your pals. You’re single and ready to mingle. The only problem is you don’t know what to pack that will attract the ladies. Before you start making rash decisions out of desperation, please make sure to toss your cargo shorts and flip flops into the nearest fire. The only thing the combination of cargo shorts and flip flops will attract is a toe wedgie and a well-timed seagull dropping. 

Instead, pack a pair of casual beach walking shoes and green or tan deck shorts. Add a green knit shirt, and even the seagulls will respect you. 

The rusty chain link fence fandom accessory 

Anyone that wears a chain necklace is automatically bada**. However, if you wear a chain necklace, you have to invest in quality metal. Rusty chain necklaces are a huge turn off and dangerous. Not to be dramatic, but you could possibly get tetanus and die all because of your cheap taste. 

H&M jewelry may seem cool for one day, but the metal necklaces will turn green after one sweaty workout at the gym. Instead, invest in stainless steel chains from Kay Jewelers or Elite Athletic Gear. Then, walk confidently down the sidewalk on campus as your silver necklace glints in your enemies’ eyes. 

The prune lookalike 

I know sometimes it’s hard to keep all your clothing pristine and wrinkle-free, especially if you live in a cramped campus dorm room. However, to remain at the peak of your fashion potential, you have to invest in an iron. 

Walmart sells an affordable iron that you can use to quickly remove wrinkles from your clothing before class. That way you can look put together even if you’re only wearing a Husker T-shirt and sweatpants. 

The “ugh” of shoes 

The only time wearing Uggs is acceptable is if you’re inside your house alone and it’s blizzarding. I can understand the need to keep your feet warm, but Uggs just aren’t it. They are easily stained, hard to clean and they look weird with any pants that aren’t skintight. 

A better alternative to these fuzzy clodhoppers are Chaco Puff Liner shoes. Initially, these shoes may seem odd, but they aren’t easily stained by snow, they’re fuzzy and they look cool. They also look like something Kanye West would wear, and we all secretly want to look like this multifaceted man. 

All jokes aside, I hope my fashion advice helps you pick out your next outfit. Even if you don’t consider yourself an outlandish dresser, sometimes you just have to try on something odd. You never know, you might love it, or you might not. Either way, fashion isn’t about how you look, but rather it’s about how you feel. Wear whatever you love and make it fashionable. Just please, at least throw away your cargo shorts. 

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